fifteen years
and i can hardly take your ashes
out of the closet
without crying like a newborn
slapped on the ass
by a drunk doctor late for golf
and handed over
to the cruelest of mothers
who gives another slap
just for good measure
fifteen years
of dreaming about your face
and seeing your sweet eyes
and rushing to prepare you dinner
because i realize it’s been too long
since we last ate together
and then i wake up
without you next to me
i wake up
with tears in my eyes
crying like a newborn
how can i describe her?
picture yourself
in the most tranquil of settings
perhaps on your very own island
in the middle of nowhere
soft white sand beneath your feet
the warm sun shining down on your face
a gentle breeze blowing through your hair
faintly you hear the sound of children
laughing off in the distance
and you close your eyes
and breathe in
and breathe in
the fresh air
lungs almost exploding
with happiness
you’re alive
you’re alive
how can i describe her?
one of those rare moments
when you feel connected
with nature
with the earth
andeverythinginit
and a fleeting moment
of giddiness
fills your spirit and you can’t help but smile
and wonder
and wonder
but then darkness sets in
so black
so black
you can’t see your hand
in front of you
the wind howls and whips your body
almost knocking you over
lightning blinds and disorients
thunder bangs and crashes
hail punches your face
now bloody and sore
children scream in terror
and there’s no where to run
you are suddenly alone
in this darkest of nights
and find yourself
sinking
sinking
sinking
into a vile chasm of offal
and sludge and chum
and the charred remains
of your dearest relatives
that swallows you up
and spits you out
and swallows you up
and spit you out
not killing you outright
but choking your lungs
and slamming your brain
with the desperate wish
for a quick and painless escape
from this unimaginable…
yeah, she’s kinda like that.
the reason
i like you
so much
is quite simple,
actually.
while others
around me
feign constipation,
you
actually give a shit.
a breakdown
of nerves
or
a breakdown
in communication
?
irrespective,
i am forever broken.
far too often
i’ve let sleeping dogs lie
but this runaway mutt
this slumbering hound
tempts me so
hockey mask
bullet proof vest
fireproof gloves
steel tipped boots
check.
with an air horn in one hand
and a sharp pointy stick
in the other
i patiently wait
and wonder
what the hell this dog
has been dreaming about
for the last 38 years
she burned us down
herself first
then me
then you
there’s nothing left
and what little green creeps back
will assuredly burn
char-coal black
just as bright
as every fire
she set
during her miserable life
boy oh boy
would you be disgusted
with your niece
and her youngest daughter
what they’ve done
and how they’ve acted
and the choices they’ve made
over the last year and a half
would have blown the pearls
right off your sweet old neck
“me me me and only we!”
seems to be their mantra,
a far cry from what this family
used to be about
yes, you’d be disgusted
and disgraced
by The Shame of it all
i can see you now
clicking your tongue
in disapproval
and shaking your neatly coiffed head
with disappointment
just like your sister did
the day she bore witness to
their incivility
their downright hostility
their shared insanity
…too many itys to list
just like your brother-in-law did
the day his usual
sweet and kind and jovial self
called his pseudogranddaughter
a “little shit brat”
you’d have the balls
to say something to them
but it’d fall on deaf ears
because no one else matters like they do
and their crowns are shinier than anyone else’s
and where they’re concerned,
kindness
consideration
decency
and common sense
be damned!
ugh.
be glad you’re dead
cause bearing witness
to the toxic sludge
these two bitches have shat out
all over the values
you held so dear
would have killed you.
rest in peace, aunty.
she goes
from
mother
to monster
in 4.1 seconds;
a bold hybrid:
runs on mania
then kicks over
to depression
to save energy.
older model;
only thing “green”
about this baby
is her envy.
zero down,
60 year lease
o.b.o.
a night spent
drunkenly carousing
instigating fistfights
slapping
and backslapping
men older than me
and women
half my age
a night spent
shaving my head
bruising my knuckles
and feeling victorious
the madwoman unleashed
biting fingers and arms and legs
of anyoneandeveryone
gnashing teeth and snarling
at friend and foe alike
spitting blood in the faces
of you and you and you
a night spent
sleeping soundly
and dreaming
of a night spent
drunkenly carousing
jack and lil
went up brightwood hill
to enjoy their married life
but kid number one
was a godawful rotten bad seed
and filled their years with strife.
the trillions before me have
and the trillions thereafter will
gaze upon this same moon
this big fat lovely round moon
lighting these otherwise
bleak and wretched
hours of darkness.
i have very few requirements
and even fewer expectations;
my sweetheart
food
air
water
shelter
craft supplies
and people keeping their lunacy
out of my face
and yet
and yet
for some
this is too much to ask.
over the years
repression has been preferable
to suppression
but the latter no longer holds
and the former
transforms to the latter.
good luck, everyone.
she prepared the soil
with rocks
and scattered seeds
of mistrust.
“sow what!?!” she hissed,
watering liberally
for years
with piss and tears,
the angry weeds
growing rampant
under her feet
into thick
twisted
and
enraged
vines.
come, Farmer A. Hole…
it’s time to reap
your hearty crop.
